Brain Blogckage

I have once had the commitment of posting daily. I told myself to put a 10k bill in a jar each time I failed to post anything. This could have turned into some sort of retirement investment EXCEPT I ran out of 10k bills so fast that I had to owe my jar for that day and the next day and the next following day… till the idea of seeing idle bills inside a jar provokes the broke soul of mine….

There are ideas/inspirations from nonsense advice to poems (or even strips) but nothing has made its way to the stage. I hate myself for reading so much in a day and seeing them in my mind for the rest of the day.. Then a draft appears.  2 paragraphs later, it disappears. The cycle has to break. I have yet to attempt harder. Maybe one of these days…

A quake of inspiration is shaking my nerves. I hope it truly inspires ..

Current State // Issues

[I may have written some of this before. Also, sorry if this gets a bit too personal. I have been wanting to write about this for a while, yet mind was never clear. High brain activities, foul moods, feelings of distress, lack of social interactions, etc.]

It first came to me during my working days in Gempol. Upon jumping to bed last night and pulling my bed sheet this morning, I didn’t feel good. The momentum was going lower any time. There is this irksome thought as well of not having anyone with whom I feel at ease sharing my profound thoughts in the same living space.

Anyway. I’m not gonna vent here. I am, except, crawling towards the surface of my boiling stew of emotions and the volcano of my internal conflicts. I often find myself spinning wheels and wondering what really is right from wrong and whom to trust..

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Start of Something Old

[Thank you, WordPress – for turning what is supposedly a scheduled post into nothing at all. Perhaps simultaneous multiple theme-shuffling and html script-modifying were too much for your modest processing capability, of which I sincerely apologize (or should I?).]

Where was I? Being the lost kid was no fun. Chained and fed with little to no nourishment has led me to a daunting if not disheartening life-which I had been struggling to cope with-for almost 2 years. Companions were the liquid to quench my thirst, let it be a mere drip of water or the dark side of alcohol. The perfect blend of fire and earth, I should say. A cinnamon in hot apple cider.

Every day I felt like going through a scary tunnel of Déjà vu. My mind was at best, a constant void filled with quarrel of thoughts. There’s fear of realizing whether ‘this’ was a never-ending cycle and you just keep going on with certain level of awareness.

What if my choices in this life have left me vulnerable to the days of yore – as they trap me in perpetual agony while I long for the future to reveal itself?

To the next depression post..

Real Life Batman

Preface:

While Batman seems to be the most sensible and rational superhero with no superpowers or any help from mutated spider and actualizing him being the closest to someone incarnating any fictional character, I’d say no, that thing can’t exist in reality. We could have all the money in the world, spend all the time learning martial arts, forensics, chemistry, history, geography, and criminology, even wear a shiny outfit that saves us from all kinds of bullets and knives and tasers, and we still couldn’t be him.

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What I Like about This World

Somewhere in this world, someone is witnessing the beauty of a sunrise in silent awe. Sunlight is drying the dew off flowers. Crickets are chirping, fish are swimming, bees are producing honey, and ants are piling food for the winter. Trees are growing and fruits are ripening, waiting to be plucked.

Somewhere in this world, massive clouds of gasses are shifting around Jupiter and matters are being sucked into a black hole. Airplanes and satellites and birds and helium balloons are filling up the sky.

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Befriending Failure

Blame the schools – they program us to hate ourselves when we fail.

Failure, in fact, is the best learning instrument out there. However, instead of encouraging those who suffer from it, schools label them as obnoxious and loathsome. As a result of being someone whose former years were spent in a place where failure is a sin, here I am, a slave of the fear caused by failure.

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